


It's Guy Love

by DairyFarmer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Miscommunication, Mpreg, aliens have different customs, allura and coran think it tho, keith and lance kiss at the end, not really - Freeform, pre-relationship klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:45:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DairyFarmer/pseuds/DairyFarmer
Summary: "But Lance presented Hunk with a crown of flora and performed the Ploosnar ritual!" Allura argued as if what she said made any sense to her human audience."When performing the ritual the expecting partner will present their lover with a crown of flora to symbolize the beauty, vitality, and innocence of the life the two created together!" Coran beamed. Or in other words, Lance adores his bro Hunk and shows him some love by making him a flower crown and now Allura and Coran think he's got a bun in the oven





	

**Author's Note:**

> I literally have no idea where this came from-I was at work and thought 'hey this is a good idea for a fic'. Looked it up turns out no one wrote it-or at least i can't find it. So now I have to make my own material using writing techniques I haven't used since the 6th grade. (fuck u mrs. m)(p.s the title comes from the SCRUBS song)

    Ironically the day everything went to shit was probably the happiest the paladins had been in awhile.

    The ship was docked in a primitive planet teeming with plant life and a large body of water that Lance tearfully compared to the ocean on Earth. The castle was in desperate need of emergency repairs following a surprise Galra encounter and the paladins were given their first day off in weeks. Of course the only one to that didn't stick around long enough to hear that was Lance who immediately set off to spend the day by the pseudo-ocean while promising Shiro he'd contact them if he fell into any trouble. Pidge and Hunk were both inspecting the local plant life as possible food alternatives, and Keith was spending the day with Shiro in the training room. So all in all everyone was content with the way the day had turned out and Allura was happy to see her paladins in such a relaxed state especially after having been forcibly separated by Haggar, it wasn't until dinner that things started to go downhill.

    Lance was the last to arrive, treading in ten minutes after everyone sat down with a freshly washed face and what looked like a clump of leaves and metallic flower buds in hand. Hunk managed to create a thick broth stew with oddly colored herbs and a vegetable that vaguely reminded the paladins of beef and all were getting ready to dig in when Lance spoke.  
   

    "My Hunka' Hunka' Burning Love! Look what I made you!" Lance exclaimed as he skipped, yes skipped, Keith noted with disgust, to Hunk's seat next to Shiro. Hunk peered into the hands thrust under his nose and his eyes glittered with excitement at the sight of a neatly made flower crown that Lance had weaved sparkling buds into.

    "Awwww you made this for me?" Hunk asked touched at his best friends actions. Lance's grin widened and he danced around Hunk's chair before dramatically laying the crown on Hunk's head.

    "But of course! How else am I supposed to show you my eternal and undying love?" Lance asked. Hunk gingerly touched the crown before leaping up and engulfing Lance in a hug.

    "Ohhh Bro you mean the world to me too!"

    "I know bro, I know." The hug lasted until Pidge not-so-discreetly coughed _'gay'_ and Lance stated that Pidge was just jealous since the most intimate thing they'd ever done was look at a robot's hardware. Hunk then had to hold Pidge back before they made good on their threat to "accidentally" electrocute Lance with their bayard again. Through the commotion of dinner nobody noticed Allura and Coran's shared look of shock and disbelief

XXX

The first occurrence happened to Lance when he was alone.

    "These belonged to my mother, but I think you'll make better use of it Lance." Lance stared down in shock at the package Allura thrust into his hands as he walked down the hall to his room. Allura _never_ talked about her mom, hell had she ever even _mentioned_ her mom? Not that Lance could recall. That means this was a huge deal.

    "I-I oh umm wow. Thanks Allura I don't know what to say?" Smooth Casanova. Real smooth.

    "It's no problem! I have no idea how difficult this must be for you, it's a wonderful thing don't get me wrong! But I've heard the process is highly unpleasant and I'm still not exactly sure how different Alteans are from Humans in terms of biological processes but I was hoping this might relieve some of the strain from your body. They were made for the Queen of Altea so they should offer some comfort!" Allura beamed at Lance in the most joyful expression he had ever seen. Holy shit. He had to get out before he made an even bigger fool of himself.

    "Thank you, I'll make sure to use them!" Lance said a little too loudly before scurrying off to his room.

    'Them' turned out to be a dark grey colored body suit that reminded Lance of the one he was wearing when he exited the healing pod after Sendak took over the castle and some weird blue blobs that left an impression of his hand when he poked it. Awesome. Lance was baffled at what he was supposed to do with them until he tried the suit on and holy crap, what the fuck, what the fuck, this was incredible! No, this was amazing! The suit was like wearing a giant heating pad all over his body and a million tiny hands were massaging him at the same time.

    "Ohhhh" Lance moaned in pleasure. At the Garrison they hadn't offered any heavy physical fitness oriented courses and when they started their training to become paladins the physical work wasn't exactly his favorite part of the job. There were days that Lance would come back to his room trembling in pain from his sore muscles and seriously reconsidering his decision to become a paladin. But in this Altean suit it was like all his doubts and pains were slowly being massaged away. Lance fell back on his bed and decided to enjoy the experience for as long as possible before he remembered the blobs that came with the suit. Lance picked one up and began inspecting it closely. Nope no 'on' switch, but it was super squishy, just without the ‘squish’ part. Lance was squeezing one in his hand when it suddenly changed into a light glowing blue and emitted a low-pitched humming sound.

    “What the fu-“ The glowing blob’s humming immediately calmed him down, the humming noise was like a pacifier and Lance felt more at peace than he ever had in his entire life, Lance hadn’t realized how stressed he had been the last few weeks but all his worries and pains suddenly melted away and he could feel his eyelids slowly growing heavier with each passing second. Just before succumbing to sleep Lance wondered why Allura would think to give these to him, out of all the paladins. And then he realized and a grin crept onto his face just as his eyelids slid closed.  
 

    ‘I knew she’s be into me sooner or later’

XXX

The second happened to Hunk while he was making breakfast.

    “Hunk! My boy! I wish to offer you my congratulations!” Hunk glanced up from his mixing bowl at Coran who was walking into the kitchen with his arms spread wide.

    “Oh thanks! It really wasn’t that hard though.” Coran must really like pancakes, or at least that was what Hunk was trying to make their usual goo into. Wait. Did Alteans even have pancakes?

    “Hahahaha! Oh Hunk you really know how to make a man come close to busting a roinad!” Coran laughed. Hunk was confused, what he said hadn’t been that funny?

    “Uhhh thanks Coran? But I’m in the kitchen trying to fix the goo like every day?” Coran tilted his head to Hunk in confusion before his face sparked realization.

    “Oh I wasn’t talking about your cooking Hunk! I was talking about Lance!” Coran exclaimed

    “Lance? What about Lance?” Okay now Hunk was completely lost. Did Lance do something super incredible and he wasn’t there to see it? Oh no! What kind of bro is he?! Hunks internal panic was quelled when he registered Coran talking about the flower crown that Lance gave him at dinner the other day.

    “Oh yeah! That was really awesome of Lance wasn’t it? His older sister Daniela owns a flower shop and Lance used to practice making crowns in the back room with all the extra when he was little, he told me all about it last night when I asked him.” Hunk chirped. His friend was so talented. Coran gasped and a wet sheen appeared in his eyes.

    “Practicing? Lance practiced his crown making? Oh, that’s s-so-so-!” Coran wailed and Hunk stood there helplessly trying to figure out a way to help.

    “Coran? Hey Coran? Are you okay?” Hunk asked panic slowly rising when Coran remained inconsolable, his tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes and nose slowly growing runny. Hunk offered Coran the rag he used to wipe down the counter, which he accepted.

    “I-I’m fine Hunk.” Coran sniffled, blowing his nose a tic later.

    “You must be so proud to have settled down with Lance!” Coran exclaimed and Hunk just nodded in dazed agreement.

    “Well, I wish you three the best!” Coran declared his chest puffing out and mustache fluffing up as if he hadn’t been crying a few seconds ago before turning on his heel and marching out of the kitchen. Hunk watched him turn a corner away from the kitchen before turning back to his goo-cake batter.

Hunk absentmindedly whisked the batter before he remembered Coran’s last statement. What did Coran mean by _“three”_?

XXX

The third happened when the team was having lunch together

    “Coran what is this?” Lance asked, using his spoon to point at the plate in front of him, the smell said steamed spinach and mashed artichoke heart but the look said good luck bruh.

    “It’s Bumooxa! It’s very nutritious, great for a growing body and mind!” Coran happily exclaimed.

    “Than how come I’m the only one who has to eat it?” Lance asked, gesturing to the plates of the other paladins who all got their usual food goo.

    “Your nutrient needs are different from theirs, I looked over your health chart and you are below the level you need to be! Bumooxa will help supplement all that you’re lacking!” Coran happily explained.

    Lance looked helplessly to the rest of the table, Shiro and Hunk offered sympathetic smiles, Keith smirked- _the asshole,_ and Pidge snickered at his situation. Lance flashbacked to his mama telling him that "when someone puts down food in front of you, you eat it until the plate is _spotless._ " 

 _’This is for you mama’_ Lance took a deep breath, immediately regretting it when the smell hit his nostrils and closed his eyes, shoving a spoonful of the Bumixa-whatever stuff- into his mouth.

    No.

    Oh no.

    He made a mistake.

    _He made a mistake._

Lance let out a distressed whine and looked to the rest of his tablemates-all of whom looked to be chocking back laughter. Lance shifted his feet and tightened his hands into fists, banging one against the table and gripping his chair with the other. Lance held his breath and forced himself to swallow.

    “ _What the fuck._ ” Lance breathed out. Shiro clicked his tongue at Lance, silently signaling his disapproval, but Lance didn’t care because _holy shit he almost **died.**_

    “Coran..no..there’s no way I can eat this everyday for who knows how long!” Lance insisted, but it looked like luck wasn’t on his side today because Coran didn’t look at all like he pitied Lance.

    “It won’t be for forever Lance! Just until we get you up in all the categories you’re lacking! Then you can go back to eating your usual meal with everyone else!” Coran assured. Lance let out a sound of complaint and looked down at is plate in dismay-everyone else had resumed their eating but when he glanced up he could see Keith looking at him in smug satisfaction, pointedly eating his food goo with more enthusiasm. Lance checked to make sure Shiro wasn’t looking before flipping him off.

XXX

The final time it happened was on the training deck.

    It was supposed to be a routine practice- the five of them would take on the gladiator robot and win using their teamwork. Or at least that was what was _supposed_ to happen if Lance and Keith hadn’t attempted to outdo each other and now the robot was wiping the floor with them. The robot seemed to have locked its eyes on Lance and was charging towards him, it’s staff pointed directly at Lance’s stomach where it was going to stab him.

    ‘ _Oh crap this is going to hurt’_ Lance thought to himself. But it didn’t hurt. Because the robot didn’t reach him. Because Allura called off the simulation.

    The five of them stood still, looking at each other in confusion. Allura _never_ called off a simulation. The five only stood around in confusion for a few moments longer before the sound of the training door opening caught their attention. The five of them turned to look as one as Allura marched into the training room, Coran keeping pace behind her. Both their faces were creased in worry and their attention was focused solely on Lance.

    “Lance!” Allura called jogging the final few steps to him, Coran right at her heels.

    “Are you alright? Did the robot manage to hit you? Do you feel any pain? Are you disoriented? Do you need to sit down?” Coran babbled as he inspected Lance.

    “W-what? No? I’m fine! Allura why’d you call off the simulation? I totally had that!” No he didn’t but they didn’t need to know that.

    “No you didn’t! If the gladiator had managed to land that hit there may have been some serious damage delivered to the baby!” Allura exclaimed.

    What.

    Lance’s sentiment seemed to be shared by the other five paladins as they all froze simultaneously.

    “You’re pregnant?!” Keith asked/shouted, breaking the silence.

     Lance chocked on air.

    “W-what NO!” Lance yelled. Shiro, Keith, Pidge, and Hunk suddenly surrounded him asking questions he couldn’t answer like- _‘when did this happen?’, ‘who did this?’, ‘how is this possible?”, and ‘why didn’t you tell me?’._

    “I’M NOT PREGNANT!” Lance screamed and shoved away Keith and Pidge’s wandering hands from his stomach. Lance's words snapped the rest of them out of their frenzy and they turned to look at a frozen Allura and Coran.

    “Why would you think Lance is pregnant?” Pidge asked, genuinely curious. Hunk let out a gasp of realization.

    “The flower crown! Coran was getting all teary and weird and congratulating me about the flower crown that Lance gave me a week ago!” Hunk exclaimed. Shiro looked at Allura and Coran who seemed to both be confused at the sudden turn of events. Shiro cleared his throat before addressing both of them.

    “Allura, Coran Lance isn’t, well more like _can’t_ be pregnant, cisgender male humans can’t biologically conceive or carry a child.”

    "But Lance presented Hunk with a crown of flora and performed a Ploosnar ritual!" Allura argued as if what she said made any sense to her human audience.

    "When performing the ritual the expecting partner will present their lover with a crown of flora to symbolize the beauty, vitality, and innocence of the life the two created together!" Coran beamed.

    “Woah, woah, hold up! _‘Lover?'_  Hunk and Me-“, “Hunk and I”, “-oh my god, shut up Keith! Hunk _AND I_ are not lovers! We’ve never had sex! I no-just no.” Lance exclaimed before he was struck by a sudden thought.

    “Wait a second, is this why you’ve been forcing me to eat that ‘Bumooxa’ junk and the reason you gave me that awesome suit and blobby things?” Lance asked.

    “Bumooxa is a food fed to expecting carriers on Altea to ensure an easy birth and pregnancy and that “suit” and “blobs” I gave you are meant to relieve the physical and mental strains of the pregnancy. Birthing Altean children is difficult which is why most families are only capable of conceiving and carrying a single offspring-we had assumed the case was the same for humans.” Allura explained looking more and more confused as she explained. Allura closed the distance between her and Lance and rested her palms on Lance’s stomach.

    “Are you certain you are not with child?” Allura asked, sounding slightly disappointed.

    “ _Yes._ ” Lance gritted out, for once wanting people to stop touching him.

    “That’s unfortunate. Alteans place a high value on children which is why the birth and conception of one is of such great importance to us.” Coran explained.

    “Yeah, yeah,I’m not pregnant we got that all cleared away. Does this mean I can go back to eating regular goo now?”

XXX

Epilogue:

    After the disaster that was their training they were all allowed to turn in early, but after his bath, rather than head to his room, Lance went up to the castle’s observatory, or rather it was a really big room with clear walls that let him see into space as they drifted.

    “I would’ve thought you’d have gone to your room to get some sleep after today.”

    Lance turned at the sound of a familiar voice.

    “Ughh. Why are you here?” Lance groaned. Keith bristled at his remark and rather than commenting plopped down next to Lance on the floor. They sat in silence for a few tics before either of them said anything.

    “So...pretty crazy what happened today huh.” Keith said

    “Hah. You’re telling me.” Lance grumbled. Keith looked at Lance with a slight furrow in his brow.

    “I’m sure Allura and Coran were just looking out for you. Besides it’s better this way.”

    Lance gave him a look that asked him to elaborate.

    “Well you’re a paladin of Voltron, and we still have to stop Zarkon and the Galra empire so it’s not like you can just have a kid in the middle of a war, you wouldn’t be able to provide for them.” Keith explained. Lance nodded his agreement and let out a small snort of laughter which made Keith slightly concerned.

    “T-they thought Hunk knocked me up.” Lance snickered and was slowly joined by Keith. Their snickering eventually evolved into full blown laughter.

    “C-Can you believe t-that? Like Hunk’s my best friend and I love him but there’s so much history between us I don’t think I’d be able to do the down and dirty with him ya’ know?” Lance chortled. Keith nodded his agreement, his laughter beginning to wheeze slightly. It took a few minutes before they both calmed down enough to talk, a slight giggle passing between them every so often.

    “Oh man, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.” Keith said, turning to look at Lance who also turned and suddenly their faces were centimeters apart. Keith’s eyes widened and his attention was suddenly drawn to Lance’s pink tongue that darted out to moisten his lips, lips that looked so much smoother up close. The two stared into each other’s eyes, blue clashing with purple and a silent agreement was made- If one of them wanted to back out, now was the time. With queasy stomachs, both slowly leaned in, Lance tilting his head slightly to the right, the same way he’d seen in every romantic movie he’d ever watched. Keith pushed forward and firmly pressed his lips against Lance’s spit moistened ones and they both stayed frozen, uncertain about what to do-they hadn’t planned this far. Lance gently started moving his lips against Keith’s still ones, mentally flipping through every Cosmo magazine he had ever read while sitting in a dentist’s office. Keith slowly raised his hand and cupped Lance’s chin, stroking his thumb against his cheek, the same way he’d seen done in one of the soft core porn videos he’s watched back on Earth. The two of them held the position for a few seconds longer before pulling away. They stared into each other’s eyes once again before leaning in with renewed passion, the kisses were awkward and clumsy, neither one was completely sure about what they were supposed to be doing but were reassured at the thought that the other wasn’t judging them for their lack of experience. Their impromptu kissing session lasted a few more minutes, ending only because Keith complained about a sore mouth.

     They walked side by side back to their rooms and just before Lance turned to enter his room Keith leaned in for a final kiss, missing completely and ending up planting one on Lance’s cheek bone, right by his eye. Lance gave a small smile and leaned into Keith’s ear in order to whisper to him.

    “We should practice some more together.” Lance nervously offered. Keith didn’t know what to say to that and instead made a noise of agreement which Lance hummed in response to. With a final look of promise Lance closed the door to his room and Keith wandered back to his in a daze, the day wasn’t a complete disaster at least.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope i developed their relationship enough to justify the kiss at the end but i still kinda think their interactions were mostly snark and awkward but whatever no one ever accused me of being a decent writer (especially not u mrs. m)


End file.
